I don’t think there is a single person in the world who can say they have never been stressed. Unfortunately it is becoming the number one killer in North America and living our lives on a daily basis, you simply can not avoid stress! Living in Costa Rica I see and feel a lot less stress as their modo is “Pura Vida” (meaning pure life) and most try to avoid situations that are stressful at all costs BUT everyone is still stressed. I tend to not hang on to stress quite like others. The simple fact is……if there is nothing you can do to change whatever it is that is stressing you out, then accept that and start living again. If there is something you can do to change it, then start focusing on that and start forgetting about the stress. When I am faced with a stressful situation I immediately take steps to solve the situation and start working on it…I also have people who feel that because they don’t live with what I live with and this illness that their stress is not as important or big as mine…..or others…they try to compare themselves….the thing is….if it affects you then it’s all the same. I recently read something about stress that I think sums up what I am trying to say perfectly.
If you hold a glass half filled with water out on your palm, how much do you think it weighs???? The answer is….It depends! If you hold that glass there for 10 seconds, it’s easy and the glass is light. If you hold it there for 1 hour, the glass feels heavier as your hand and arm start to feel weaker BUT the glass did not get heavier. If you hold that same glass for 10 hours, your arm and hand are aching and feel extremely week and that glass feels like a ton of bricks…yet it didn’t change. If you held that glass for more than 24 hours it would seem impossible to go on…yet the glass did not change. Think of the glass of water as stress. It doesn’t matter how big or heavy it is as the longer you hold on to it, the more it burdens you. Think of the effects it has on your body; something that could be so small and light becomes so heavy and painful….and we allow it to. So find your Hero Within and let go of that stress within the time frame of when it is still easy and manageable…not when it becomes detrimental to you and your body.
Over the next while you will see that I am going to start delving into “life topics.” Things that people deal with daily, issues like finances, love, marriage, illness, children, families, childhood traumas, etc….I will not only write about opinion but I will take you through my life experience and how I have triumphed over all and live today full-filled, happy and loved. If there is anything going on in your life that you would like me to write about and discuss, give some suggestions on how to overcome, and to learn how to truly live and love and find your hero within while going through it (whatever “it” is), then just send me a message. It would be my pleasure.
As I approach my ten-year wedding anniversary and as I help so many people with marital problems today (it seems as though 80% of married couples I know are having “issues”) I am forced to look at what it takes to make a marriage really work. I have been with my husband now for almost 18 years in total and our relationship has certainly not been without problems. We have certainly had our fair share of personal issues, which one day I will write about, but today we are still very much in love. I have had many people ask me if my husband has a brother, or they say things like “MY husband does not love me the way yours loves you.” Although I feel extremely lucky and honored to have the husband I do have, I am always reminded that the grass can look greener on the other side until you get there. I simply mean this in the way of “we are not perfect.” I do believe I am lucky. I do believe I have the best husband in the world and I do believe there is no one out there who could ever treat me the way he does, or vise-a-versa…..however, this is a feeling we should ALL FEEL EVERY DAY! If you don’t, then let’s get you there. So many people settle. The most dangerous things to ever feel in a relationship is boredom and complacency. When you get to the point where marriage is a routine, you’re in trouble. But you can change it. It is ok to set date nights, to give each other lists of what you need and want on a daily basis (eventually those lists are not needed as they become a new habit and a thing the other wants to do simply because they want to make you happy.)
The first thing you need to do is think about and write why you fell in love with them in the first place. What was it that gave you those butterfly feelings? What is it that made you think about them so much that when you were not together that working was almost impossible? What is it they did that made you smile so big and so long your cheeks hurt? You need to remember what gave you that deep down giddy feeling of complete bliss and hang on to those feelings. Rekindle based on those things. Build off of those things. Bring your relationship back to the point where your spouse is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the one you can not sleep without before going to bed. Do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to say what it is that you need.
I believe there are some rules that all relationships should have. For each couple it differs but I say these are the three most important for everyone:
1) Never go to bed angry. No matter what, talk about it and go to bed holding and loving each other.
2) Never go to bed without one another (unless it is impossible to do so like one is at work, etc..) Even on days where one of you are sick, go to bed to hold them and watch TV from bed while the other sleeps. Whatever it is, go to bed together.
3) No matter what you do, say, think or feel, always do it with the other in mind. Ask yourself this, “How would I feel if my spouse was doing (or feeling, or thinking or saying) this?” If the answer is anything less than completely loved and elated then you shouldn’t be doing it.
I believe LOVE IS ENOUGH! It doesn’t matter the challenge. I have seen relationships of abuse, survive. I have seen relationships of affairs, survive. I believe that as long as a person is TRULY wanting and working on changing and CHANGES then as long as you love them it can work. I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is quick. But I truly believe it is worth it. Imagine going from a relationship that no one would ever want and you were afraid or embarrassed to be apart of to a fairy tale relationship that everyone envies. Fairy Tales Do Come True! Fighting for what you need, want and deserve is not only achievable but you are deserving and worth it so don’t give up! Ever!
More on marriage in the future….save what you have now! Find your Hero Within together and have a marriage you deserve!