choice

Cancer…Part 3

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Originally there wasn’t going to be a part 3, however, this morning I woke up feeling compelled to write for those who have passed or are fighting now and will not win. Although I wrote about cancer previously and the mindset I needed to have in order to overcome, I do not want people who know people who have passed of cancer to start questioning them and their fight. Battling cancer is one of the hardest things a person can ever do. Although, for me personally, every person but 1 that I knew that had cancer, gave in. As soon as they heard they had it, they gave up. They truly felt like they were not able to beat it, they did not want to go through what it took to fight and they had accepted their fate and simply worked on getting things ready for their passing. I know this is not always the case but often it is. I want to say, in my opinion, this is ok. I know what that battle looks like. I know the pain you endure on a daily basis that never seems to subside. I know the sadness, fear, and guilt one feels when diagnosed and fighting. I know what most people think and go through and I do not blame anyone for choosing to give in. I am all about choice. I am a fighter and always will be. I want to defy all odds no matter the situation, but not everyone is the same. I feel like if you want to fight and win….well, all things are possible with your Hero Within.

On the flip side, there are people who are diagnosed and don’t have a chance to fight. A lady, who I considered like a second mom, from diagnosis to death was around 2 weeks. Sometimes you are not given the chance to fight. I was diagnosed stage 1 originally so the opportunity to wrap my mind around it, fight, and win was definitely possible. The one thing I can always say, never let a doctor determine your time left. I feel that when people know that, they make it come true.

The long of the short of it is, praise all who are going through or have gone through cancer. Allow their fight, whatever that is or not, to be their choice and support it. Celebrate the ones who beat it as their cancer free day is more important than any other day of the year.

STRESS

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I don’t think there is a single person in the world who can say they have never been stressed. Unfortunately it is becoming the number one killer in North America and living our lives on a daily basis, you simply can not avoid stress! Living in Costa Rica I see and feel a lot less stress as their modo is “Pura Vida” (meaning pure life) and most try to avoid situations that are stressful at all costs BUT everyone is still stressed. I tend to not hang on to stress quite like others. The simple fact is……if there is nothing you can do to change whatever it is that is stressing you out, then accept that and start living again. If there is something you can do to change it, then start focusing on that and start forgetting about the stress. When I am faced with a stressful situation I immediately take steps to solve the situation and start working on it…I also have people who feel that because they don’t live with what I live with and this illness that their stress is not as important or big as mine…..or others…they try to compare themselves….the thing is….if it affects you then it’s all the same. I recently read something about stress that I think sums up what I am trying to say perfectly.

If you hold a glass half filled with water out on your palm, how much do you think it weighs???? The answer is….It depends! If you hold that glass there for 10 seconds, it’s easy and the glass is light. If you hold it there for 1 hour, the glass feels heavier as your hand and arm start to feel weaker BUT the glass did not get heavier. If you hold that same glass for 10 hours, your arm and hand are aching and feel extremely week and that glass feels like a ton of bricks…yet it didn’t change. If you held that glass for more than 24 hours it would seem impossible to go on…yet the glass did not change. Think of the glass of water as stress. It doesn’t matter how big or heavy it is as the longer you hold on to it, the more it burdens you. Think of the effects it has on your body; something that could be so small and light becomes so heavy and painful….and we allow it to. So find your Hero Within and let go of that stress within the time frame of when it is still easy and manageable…not when it becomes detrimental to you and your body.

Is Love Enough???

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As I approach my ten-year wedding anniversary and as I help so many people with marital problems today (it seems as though 80% of married couples I know are having “issues”) I am forced to look at what it takes to make a marriage really work. I have been with my husband now for almost 18 years in total and our relationship has certainly not been without problems. We have certainly had our fair share of personal issues, which one day I will write about, but today we are still very much in love. I have had many people ask me if my husband has a brother, or they say things like “MY husband does not love me the way yours loves you.” Although I feel extremely lucky and honored to have the husband I do have, I am always reminded that the grass can look greener on the other side until you get there. I simply mean this in the way of “we are not perfect.” I do believe I am lucky. I do believe I have the best husband in the world and I do believe there is no one out there who could ever treat me the way he does, or vise-a-versa…..however, this is a feeling we should ALL FEEL EVERY DAY! If you don’t, then let’s get you there. So many people settle. The most dangerous things to ever feel in a relationship is boredom and complacency. When you get to the point where marriage is a routine, you’re in trouble. But you can change it. It is ok to set date nights, to give each other lists of what you need and want on a daily basis (eventually those lists are not needed as they become a new habit and a thing the other wants to do simply because they want to make you happy.)

The first thing you need to do is think about and write why you fell in love with them in the first place. What was it that gave you those butterfly feelings? What is it that made you think about them so much that when you were not together that working was almost impossible? What is it they did that made you smile so big and so long your cheeks hurt? You need to remember what gave you that deep down giddy feeling of complete bliss and hang on to those feelings. Rekindle based on those things. Build off of those things. Bring your relationship back to the point where your spouse is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the one you can not sleep without before going to bed. Do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to say what it is that you need.

I believe there are some rules that all relationships should have. For each couple it differs but I say these are the three most important for everyone:

1) Never go to bed angry. No matter what, talk about it and go to bed holding and loving each other.

2) Never go to bed without one another (unless it is impossible to do so like one is at work, etc..) Even on days where one of you are sick, go to bed to hold them and watch TV from bed while the other sleeps. Whatever it is, go to bed together.

3) No matter what you do, say, think or feel, always do it with the other in mind. Ask yourself this, “How would I feel if my spouse was doing (or feeling, or thinking or saying) this?” If the answer is anything less than completely loved and elated then you shouldn’t be doing it.

I believe LOVE IS ENOUGH! It doesn’t matter the challenge. I have seen relationships of abuse, survive. I have seen relationships of affairs, survive. I believe that as long as a person is TRULY wanting and working on changing and CHANGES then as long as you love them it can work. I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is quick. But I truly believe it is worth it. Imagine going from a relationship that no one would ever want and you were afraid or embarrassed to be apart of to a fairy tale relationship that everyone envies. Fairy Tales Do Come True! Fighting for what you need, want and deserve is not only achievable but you are deserving and worth it so don’t give up! Ever!

More on marriage in the future….save what you have now! Find your Hero Within together and have a marriage you deserve!

CANCER…PART 2

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So let’s paint this picture. I’m seven months pregnant, my husband and I have a 4 year old daughter, my husband has a 12 year old son, and we just started the process to adopt a thirteen year old girl. Life was great. Of course not perfect, but as perfect as we thought it could be. I was a teacher, which was my dream since I was 8 years old, my husband had his own legal consulting practice, together we owned a coffee shop….things were simply going well. Then, my 4 year old was diagnosed with a failing kidney….two weeks later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Which, as I’m sure you could imagine, being pregnant, cervical cancer was terrible. The mindset you need to take on throughout a challenge like this is totally different than any other IF you want to overcome. Your Hero Within must be present and winning.

Of course my initial instinct was to be scared, nervous, sad…all of the “normal” things to feel…and then comes the anger and questioning “Why? Why me? Why now?”…but you must QUICKLY change that mindset. I had to think of all the reasons I had to live. My baby that was about to be born. Our daughter that needed my hand and hugs as she lay on tables full of needles for testing for her kidney. Our daughter that was about to move in and finally become part of a family, our family. I was needed to be a mom. I was needed to be a sister. I was needed to be an aunt. I was needed to be a daughter. I was needed to be a friend. I was needed to be a wife. I was needed on earth and therefor had to fight and had to win.

When you make this decision, one thing is for sure. YOU CAN NEVER WAIVER! You can NEVER go down the path of giving in. You can NEVER take the path and feel sorry or pitty for yourself and NEVER allow others to either. Once you make a decision to take the path of LIVING you can not even take a glimpse of what the other path looks like. You must have blinders on that allow you to only see the path you are on. This path must be called LIFE.

I believe that 75% of beating anything is all in your mind. Each of us have a power of the mind that we can not comprehend or understand its’ strength but when you need it, it’s there. When you use it, you win. This is part of your Hero Within. Grab it and win! I have been there. I have been at that place where you are looking death in the face and the only thing looking back is death. It’s that moment when your body and mind say “GIVE UP!” but your soul calls back “NEVER!!!” That’s when you win! That’s when you have life! That’s when you have found your Hero Within!

NEVER GIVE UP. MAKE A CHOICE TO WIN. CHOOSE YOUR HERO WITHIN!!!