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Is Love Enough???
As I approach my ten-year wedding anniversary and as I help so many people with marital problems today (it seems as though 80% of married couples I know are having “issues”) I am forced to look at what it takes to make a marriage really work. I have been with my husband now for almost 18 years in total and our relationship has certainly not been without problems. We have certainly had our fair share of personal issues, which one day I will write about, but today we are still very much in love. I have had many people ask me if my husband has a brother, or they say things like “MY husband does not love me the way yours loves you.” Although I feel extremely lucky and honored to have the husband I do have, I am always reminded that the grass can look greener on the other side until you get there. I simply mean this in the way of “we are not perfect.” I do believe I am lucky. I do believe I have the best husband in the world and I do believe there is no one out there who could ever treat me the way he does, or vise-a-versa…..however, this is a feeling we should ALL FEEL EVERY DAY! If you don’t, then let’s get you there. So many people settle. The most dangerous things to ever feel in a relationship is boredom and complacency. When you get to the point where marriage is a routine, you’re in trouble. But you can change it. It is ok to set date nights, to give each other lists of what you need and want on a daily basis (eventually those lists are not needed as they become a new habit and a thing the other wants to do simply because they want to make you happy.)
The first thing you need to do is think about and write why you fell in love with them in the first place. What was it that gave you those butterfly feelings? What is it that made you think about them so much that when you were not together that working was almost impossible? What is it they did that made you smile so big and so long your cheeks hurt? You need to remember what gave you that deep down giddy feeling of complete bliss and hang on to those feelings. Rekindle based on those things. Build off of those things. Bring your relationship back to the point where your spouse is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the one you can not sleep without before going to bed. Do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to say what it is that you need.
I believe there are some rules that all relationships should have. For each couple it differs but I say these are the three most important for everyone:
1) Never go to bed angry. No matter what, talk about it and go to bed holding and loving each other.
2) Never go to bed without one another (unless it is impossible to do so like one is at work, etc..) Even on days where one of you are sick, go to bed to hold them and watch TV from bed while the other sleeps. Whatever it is, go to bed together.
3) No matter what you do, say, think or feel, always do it with the other in mind. Ask yourself this, “How would I feel if my spouse was doing (or feeling, or thinking or saying) this?” If the answer is anything less than completely loved and elated then you shouldn’t be doing it.
I believe LOVE IS ENOUGH! It doesn’t matter the challenge. I have seen relationships of abuse, survive. I have seen relationships of affairs, survive. I believe that as long as a person is TRULY wanting and working on changing and CHANGES then as long as you love them it can work. I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is quick. But I truly believe it is worth it. Imagine going from a relationship that no one would ever want and you were afraid or embarrassed to be apart of to a fairy tale relationship that everyone envies. Fairy Tales Do Come True! Fighting for what you need, want and deserve is not only achievable but you are deserving and worth it so don’t give up! Ever!
More on marriage in the future….save what you have now! Find your Hero Within together and have a marriage you deserve!
CANCER…PART 2
So let’s paint this picture. I’m seven months pregnant, my husband and I have a 4 year old daughter, my husband has a 12 year old son, and we just started the process to adopt a thirteen year old girl. Life was great. Of course not perfect, but as perfect as we thought it could be. I was a teacher, which was my dream since I was 8 years old, my husband had his own legal consulting practice, together we owned a coffee shop….things were simply going well. Then, my 4 year old was diagnosed with a failing kidney….two weeks later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Which, as I’m sure you could imagine, being pregnant, cervical cancer was terrible. The mindset you need to take on throughout a challenge like this is totally different than any other IF you want to overcome. Your Hero Within must be present and winning.
Of course my initial instinct was to be scared, nervous, sad…all of the “normal” things to feel…and then comes the anger and questioning “Why? Why me? Why now?”…but you must QUICKLY change that mindset. I had to think of all the reasons I had to live. My baby that was about to be born. Our daughter that needed my hand and hugs as she lay on tables full of needles for testing for her kidney. Our daughter that was about to move in and finally become part of a family, our family. I was needed to be a mom. I was needed to be a sister. I was needed to be an aunt. I was needed to be a daughter. I was needed to be a friend. I was needed to be a wife. I was needed on earth and therefor had to fight and had to win.
When you make this decision, one thing is for sure. YOU CAN NEVER WAIVER! You can NEVER go down the path of giving in. You can NEVER take the path and feel sorry or pitty for yourself and NEVER allow others to either. Once you make a decision to take the path of LIVING you can not even take a glimpse of what the other path looks like. You must have blinders on that allow you to only see the path you are on. This path must be called LIFE.
I believe that 75% of beating anything is all in your mind. Each of us have a power of the mind that we can not comprehend or understand its’ strength but when you need it, it’s there. When you use it, you win. This is part of your Hero Within. Grab it and win! I have been there. I have been at that place where you are looking death in the face and the only thing looking back is death. It’s that moment when your body and mind say “GIVE UP!” but your soul calls back “NEVER!!!” That’s when you win! That’s when you have life! That’s when you have found your Hero Within!
NEVER GIVE UP. MAKE A CHOICE TO WIN. CHOOSE YOUR HERO WITHIN!!!
THE BOOK LAUNCH
So the day is almost here. As I drive 5 hours to the aiport to fly to Canada to attend my first ever book launch, I have mixed emotions. I am happy as I get to see some amazing people. I am honored to be a part of something so great. I am proud of myself as this has always been a dream. I am nervous as my life story is now published for all to see. Lastly, I am grateful. Grateful that I get to potentially help people who are or have gone through traumatic things.
Empowering Women To Succeed is now available on Amazon for pre-order and only for the next 24 hours the price is .99 cents for the downloadable version. I encourage everyone to get it, read it, and share with me what you think. I look forward to your feedback. And who knows….I may just be able to help you too 🙂
CANCER….PART 1
Yup…I said it…the big “C” word. The word that no one ever wants to hear. The word that people pray they never hear for themselves or anyone they love or know. Unfortunately, it is being used over and over in numbers that shake me. The amount of people diagnosed with cancer each day is absolutely unacceptable…and even more unacceptable is the amount of people who don’t beat it and ultimately die. I have personally lost a step mother, a mother figure, and a few friends….way too many!
I would like everyone to know, before I continue, that what I share with you is based solely on experience. I am not an MD, or an expert of any kind. I am a person who was given two months to live and am now 3 1/2 years cancer free. I have been asked by many “how?” I would like to share some information with you on how I believe it happened…..
To start, I never did chemo or radiation. I did this all naturally. I learned about alkaline and how important it was to alkaline your blood. If your blood is at just the right levels, cancer can not grow. As I wanted to use all natural it was extremely difficult to find a doctor who was willing to work with me, I finally found a Nigerian doctor who was absolutely incredible. He stated that one cup of spinach and one cup of raw almonds every day alkalies your blood levels and prevents cancer from growing. The problem was, I already had cancer. He had no idea what it would do to a cancer patient but we started it. I was originally 7 months pregnant when I was first diagnosed with cervical cancer and stage 1. Within 2 1/2 years I was stage 4 and the doctor told my husband (not me) that he was afraid of where I was going to be in two months if I would even be here. He said there was not much left to do. As I had been doing research, I learned about lemons and alkaline so I added a lemon daily to my diet. When I went back two months later, I was cancer free. The doctor could not believe it. He sent me away and told me to eat lunch and come back in two hours. I did, he re-did the tests and it was the same. He was shocked. It takes three tests in a 6 month period to officially be cancer free and January 18th, 2012 I officially became cancer free.
This may seem all to easy, but trust me it was probably the hardest 3 1/2 years of my life. The mindset it took to over come this………Part 2……….
How to Write….The Basics
Ever wanted to write something but didn’t know how or where to start? Sometimes we simply want to write a letter to someone, or perhaps simply jot down things in a diary. Maybe you want to write a blog, or a book, but simply feel lost. Well, although I do not proclaim to be an expert and am only co-authoring my first book now, I want you to know that it can be simple. It can be easy. There are some necessary steps though….
1) You must want to write.
2) Give yourself a set time each day that you are going to write. Don’t look at the entire task as a whole, but rather look at it in pieces and start with a timed piece daily. If you go beyond the time, that’s ok, but try to write for at least the time you set out to write for.
3) Simply write what comes to your mind. Don’t worry about order, or verbage, or dates, etc…. Simply write what you feel…even if it doesn’t make sense right now, it will. Once you start and things keep coming and coming, suddenly you will have a path in which you are taking and things you wrote the first day may end up last, etc… you will get your feel for it.
4) Don’t get discouraged and keep on track.
Anything you set your mind to, you will achieve….Believe in yourself. When in doubt, ask your Hero Within for help, not only will it be there, you will succeed! Happy writing 🙂
Dreams
Do you have dreams? Are they dreams that seem unattainable? Do you dream of incredible vacations, amazing personally designed houses, going to an honored school, having the most amazing and fulfilling job??? Is there anything you dream of that you feel will always stay a dream?
Why do they have to be dreams? Aren’t dreams something your subconscious does during the night while you sleep?
Change the word “dream” to “goal” and suddenly you no longer have a dream but a goal and you will achieve it. When you have a “dream” it stays a dream. When you have a goal, you set smaller goals to obtain the bigger goal and suddenly you have it. So many people waste their lives dreaming….I would like to coin a new term..”GOALING”….it’s taking a dream and changing it to a goal so instead of dreaming you can be goaling.
Let your dreams be something you involuntarily do at night and start achieving goals voluntarily during the day.
Before, During and After Illness
For those of you who have been, or are ill, I’m sure you will completely agree and understand. For those of you who never have been, I’d like you to understand.
There are basically three different reactions a person has when it comes to illness.
The first is the “I hope I never…” reaction. This comes from a person who has never been seriously ill and has never had someone close, like a child, be ill either. They listen to people who are ill tell their story and say “I’m so sorry…” And in their head say “I hope I never….”
The second is the “Wow! You are so amazing. I’m so amazed. You are so strong…” reaction when you meet someone who has overcome a serious illness. As a cancer survivor I hear that a lot. Others tend to praise these people, over the top, and look at these people almost like hero’s.
And then there’s the third. It’s the “I’m so sorry for you…” reaction. It’s the reaction you give when you hear about someone being ill now. It’s the pity I hear almost daily having the brain tumor I have. It’s the pity and sadness you feel for someone and wish you could heal them as they are going through something so terrible.
For those who are ill but have found there hero within, they don’t need your pity, they need your normal. For those who are ill but haven’t quite found there hero within, they don’t need your pity, they need encouragement to find it. I for one, as someone who is sick, I don’t need your pity. I am strong. I have my Hero Within. I like encouragement and simply want to help others:)
Fate VS coincidence
The age old question…are things fate or coincidence? I have had many things in life happen that make you question. However, I do not believe in coincidence. I believe you are where you are suppose to be. I believe things happen the way they are suppose to happen. You tell me….
When a family member was diagnosed with brain cancer, the neurosurgeon said “Be grateful it’s not an Addison’s tumor. They are the most dangerous.” About 8 years later I walked in to the same surgeon and said “I have an Addison’s brain tumor.” After looking at all of the reports, he said he only knows of 2 others in the entire country (Canada) who has one as it is so rare. I said I know and asked if he remembered what he had said 8 years earlier to my family member. He just about fell over. He remembered telling my family that as he said he had never told anyone that in his life and he didn’t even know where it came from. He had never said it again. He said he had just looked at our family who seemed so desperate for some hope and that’s what he said. He thought it would give us some comfort and hope at the time and he could not believe that the one family he has ever said that too, that the same family would walk into his office and actually have this type of tumor as it is the most dangerous and rare tumor….. and yet now I have one……..Fate or coincidence?
As soon as we accept that we are where we are suppose to be and the things that are happening are suppose to be happening to us, we can be excited and enjoy life. Celebrate everything as it’s what makes you YOU!
Truly Living
What does it mean to truly live? When most people go through a challenge or have a problem, a comon answer to the question “How are you?” is answered by “I’m living.” I’m living????? We should not just live. We should truly live. We should defy all odds. We should listen only to what’s in our hearts, our minds, our guts. We should listen only to our Hero Within. Living with what I live with every day, doctor’s have tried to tell me how to live. What I can and can’t do. I have been a little bit of a daredevil my entire life and suddenly I am not suppose to do anything that would cause that “thrill/fear/intense nervousness” feeling….really? That’s no way to live. I live how I want. I learned to surf (or so I try), I have jumped off cliffs and into little rivers, I have gone extreme quading….if I have wanted to, I have. That is truly living. Truly living is living life to the fullest. Not allowing others, doctor’s or not, to tell you how to live. It’s full filling what’s inside and allowing yourself to feel complete. Listen only to your hero within and live on your own terms….truly live!
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The Hero Within 